So it’s day 11 of my redundancy, two weeks, two whole shitting weeks and I’m still redundant, what the fuck is going on? I should be back in fulltime employment, I should have been back on the employment pony 10 days ago. I’m only half joking. I think the pony is lame, it’s carrying some douche bags who are better at interviews than me.
I’ve had a few interviews, which, relatively speaking, isn’t terrible - did I just jinx myself? Fucking awesome - but I want a job now. I’m pretty rubbish at interviews, they are a terrible, inaccurate portrayal of me as an actual employee, as I’m never that enthusiastic or cheerful. Why do we have them? Why don’t we go to the pub and chat, and I’ll bring my mac and show you how to use the internet properly, and you’ll be all like.. “woah, this bitch has skills” and I’ll be all.. “wtf are you doing, I told you not to hit the back button, for fucksake.. You run a company? And I can’t even get a fucking shitty assistant salary?”..
I thought the worst type of questions were “tell us how you dealt with this situation in your previous job, how did you overcome the challenge?”.. But having sat through a couple of those wonder nuggets, I believe the actual worst type of question stems from an attempt to be ‘interested in you as an individual’.. “Tell us some blogs, films or tracks you currently like?”.. Don’t put me on the spot then judge my tastes.. It has nothing to do with how well I’ll do my job or how I wont comment on everyone else sub-par tastes. Especially when I reply with Yellow Swans and Notorious B.I.G, because you can’t handle it.
I would just really like for you to hire me, so I can work for money, and make your business mad successful. You do want success right? Mad success?